Press Pause

“I won’t be here long,” she said softly.
His eyes gently smiled, “Quick dip. I know your style.”

There is value in balance. Not bending too much one way or the other. Finding a space that blends important areas of life. Pacing yourself. Working hard and taking breaks.

I don’t live this way.

I work at full capacity. Constantly moving. No transition time, just efficiently shifting from one thing to another. I don’t like to stand still. I’m more comfortable moving, preferably quickly and in a forward direction.

In past eight months, I’ve been sick more than I’ve ever experienced in my life. In a life I have created around moving, I have been forced to stand still on more occasions than I would like to admit. I haven’t slowed easily, and the result was unfortunate illness after illness that never really went away and that I never tended to long enough to allow full healing.

This is ironic, given that I have dedicated the last eight months of my life building a company that strives to help educators find happier, healthier life balances. 

Excruciatingly, taking the advice (not my own) of one caring friend and one firm doctor, I pressed pause. I slept. I drank lots of water. And tea. I slept some more. I left the country and slept in the sun and let the humidity drain my body of all that extra hydration. I moved slowly and with purpose. I healed a little more. 

Then I admitted, mainly to myself, that I might desire a slower life. A pace different from what I have built. A world where mornings start a little later and dinners last a little longer. Where transitions might not always be so fast and sometimes I get to hold a hand while I’m getting used to standing still. 

Maybe it is in the moments of pause that we see what has always been there, but in a still frame that finally makes sense